Ms. Farkwad's Advice

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2011-10-23T18:58:00.001-07:00

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BABBBBBY TIME

2008-04-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

As so many of you have guessed I am on maternity leave.
The yet to be named Daddy (although his initials are RONNIE
RADIO) made up for his absence by having his KENTUCKY relatives
throw a wonderful baby/pre wedding/ shower KENTUCKY STYLE!

Here is yours truly the FORMER MRS. Farkwad
with the twin brother of the as of yet to be named
DADDY of my baby whose initials just happen to be
RR! At the lovely party.

MOST showers play fun little
games and this was no exception.
Our professional wedding photographer

caught this guest crossing the finish line
in the cooler races modified female class!

Naturally the dinner was
all outside and cooked over
a multi use grill.

Cold AMERICAN beverages where
the hit of the day!

And the topper of the afternoon
was one of these three sisters
fled to the woods after trying
to b***h slap (her words not mine)
her father for doing something with
a sheep that he had promised to do
only with her!

Thank you all for your kind
thoughts and I shaw return
after I have what is called
a home trailer birthing experience!

Letters!

2007-12-13T05:34:00.000-08:00

Anonymous said...

Dan Farkas is a pussy. That is all.

Excuse me?
MF

Monday, December 3, 2007 12:12:00 AM EST
shots said...I happen to think "Cadillac Dan"
is doing an okay job.
Yep, bet he didn't know
that anyone down here knew
about that nickname when he was in Michigan!!

Well I certainly didn't although
I knew a young man in
reform school who was called
Buick Bob. Could they be related?
MF

Monday, December 3, 2007 9:03:00 PM EST
Anonymous said...

Please come back in January.
Walker has decided to take the
Christmas holidays off.
(He's moonlighting as an elf.)

You are GOOD! The
real story is he applied but
was passed over for Victor Ashe.
MF

Thursday, December 6, 2007 6:28:00 PM EST
Uncle_Ben said...
Hats off to CW20 for
carrying the high school
football playoff games again this year.
Sure they make a ton of money
off them when local teams are
playing, but it beats the normally
crappy stuff they air.
(Well, for the most part. Some of it is OK.)
And the tv production is pretty good.

CW20? Sounds like an all
Star Wars station?
MF

Friday, December 7, 2007 8:33:00 PM EST
Byron said...
Tag, you're it!

GOT YOU BACK!
MF

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 12:40:00 AM EST
Anonymous said...

Hay, where'd evryboddy go?
Media Report = Ghost Town

We are in the back, come
on in but don't let the dogs out!
MF

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 6:06:00 PM EST

Fudpucker McGhee said...
Hey Walker, we all know
that radio morning shows
take off 3 weeks for Christmas,
but what the heck man?
Whare are ye? We gots people
to make fun of and other bitching to
continue.
Quit posting in Channel 10's message board
and get your ass back here!

The Report is always open to
those with an ax to grind. As
for the WBIR board it is
just like the WATE board
with the exception of fact
that people actually read it
and they don't ban posters.

MF

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 11:07:00 PM EST
Anonymous said...

Ms. Farkwad said
for you to come on
back over here and
give her a break.
She's startin' to get sore--no, err...
bored is what she said.

Bored AND sore!
MF

YOUR QUESTIONS?

2007-11-29T11:06:00.000-08:00

AND THE ANSWERS TO THEM!!!!!

Anonymous said...

"walker, lay off the moonshine.
if its a slow news day,
just admit it.
dont waste our time with
that bs you just posted.
after all, this is the media report,
not the crapola news.
and when r u gonna give
up the info on wfiv?
maybe u r washed up after all."

Excuse us? If you
think your time was wasted
then fire off an invoice
to:
THE MEDIA REPORT
666
EATTHIS Rd.
FARKWADVILLE,
Tennessee
and we will
gladly play you
next Tuesday for your
time. MF

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 5:49:00 AM EST

Anonymous said...
"Walker..
this is the BEST post your staff has ever produced!

Please tell Butttterfly to keep up the good work..
See what happens when
you come down out of the trees and find a great job!

As for the Metro Pulse,
they are now nothing
more than a shadow of the sentinel
and an outlet for the left
coast thinkers that run that rag!

Who is the person asking about WFIV?
Better yet what is WFIV?
Sorry but radio died for
me the day XM showed up in my new car.

We still talk about CP and Walker and
the coach. That was radio worth turning on.

Again, keep it up and
add more like this
it was both fun and refreshing to
read after seeing what the
sentinel had to offer this morning."

WONDERFUL NOTE and as always
any glowing mentions of CP
and Walker will always get you
posted and pressed in the family
bible! MF

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 8:40:00 AM EST

Anonymous said...
"I had no idea someone
tried to shoot out a camera?
Good for them.
I am going to get him a gift certificate to
Cold Creek so he can work on his aim!

You should start a
new blog just like this one.
At times talk of radio and
local television gets old.

This was a fun read!"

Aim is so
important no matter
if the target is a
traffic camera, street light,
or just your neighbors outdoor
giant Santa Snow Globe MF

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 8:42:00 AM EST

Anonymous said...

"The station the guy keeps
asking about is owned by
doug horn and the few people
still working there are saying
he is firing everyone at Christmas.

All of his stations are
on the block but the price is to
high."

Christmas is a wonderful
time at that company! They
often have a nice party for
everyone and then fire them
on the 26th! MF

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 1:50:00 PM EST

Anonymous said...

"media report...media report...
where ole where is my media report...
I kissed the toad all over and a all I got was warts!!...
please continue the media report..I'll start it off....

running your mouth off about the
number 1 station in the market..
and slamming their talent..

having your rant heard by
a your boss as he's driving thru town that
fateful morning...

getting suspended..and
damn near losing your job....PRICELESS!!!

And since Kojack is back
on the air,not one word
about the other station...
not one word..think his butt
is still sore from the
shoes of his bosses
going far up the outer regions!!!

All right kids...
lets kick it up a notch...carry on!!!!!!!"

You MUST be a military man!
Lets see..Kojack has to be
the rotund man who insults Ms
Kim on STAR every morning..right?
You sure did scoop us on
the near firing though..great
work! As for WIVK, you know
they are just shaking in their
cowboy boots to think such a
talent pool as that is after
them..wooooo! MF

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 4:20:00 PM EST

Anonymous said...

"doug horn =
the grinch that stole Christmas

what a total asshole to
fire peeps at Christmastime.
here's hoping he gets a big lump of coal
in his sack--oh wait, he doesn't have
a sack! firing folks this time
of year oughta get his butt thrown in jail

maybe he can make an
annual pilgrimage to
wherever they print the money."

Most who really know
the man say he is very
nice and cares about
people. As for the holiday
bloodbath well all we can
say is he IS a Democrat.
With a cross like that he
is bound to get a little
grumpy around the holidays.
MF

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:06:00 AM EST

Anonymous said...

"Kelli parker leaves the
WVLT anchor desk at 6 and 11p.

Barbie-doll girl Abby
(big ole)Hams leaves and
every damn body goes crazy.
Kelli Parker was much more
talented, had more credibility
as a journalist, and
not one peep about her out of any of you.
Believe it or not, I am a WBIR fan,
not so much a Channel 8 fan, but gee,
can't we give Ms. Kelli a shout out?

By the way -
what the hell is Horne Radio?
What a waste of air space!!!!!
That liberal ass needs to
sell all those radio assets back
to the communities in which they are from.
At least the station in Oak Ridge
could probably survive on its own and
make money.
And anybody allowing that
car guy Harry Douglas (Lane)
on more than five days a week
needs to be taken out and shot.
105.3 is a train wreck and
has not been worth a lick damn
since Horne bought it. Bring back the OLD West 105-3 days."

Sorry but no piling on.
We have a one shot limit when
it comes to talking about radio
stations owners and managers.
As for the shout out (is that a
colonialism?) as for Ms Parker
consider it done.
MF

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 10:30:00 PM EST

Anonymous said...

"First of all, from the Channel 8 newsdesk,
more of Stacey and Allison!
Walker, I have read on here in
the past the ratings for Knoxville,
but they always only have the commercial stations.
Is there any way to find out how the
non-coms are doing compared to the for-profit stations?
There are at least four non-comms
that I think are doing well,
but I'd like to have a more definite idea. Can you help?

Sorry the boss has been
laid up the last three weeks and
is of no help to anyone.
Reportedly there are ratings
for non profit radio stations
so you have to think there would be
some for TV? As for the local
PBS offerings we love Song Of The Mountains,
and anything produced by WDVX."

Thursday, November 29, 2007 11:05:00 AM EST
Anonymous said...

"BORED? Not at all, this stuff is funny.

My family watches 10 so
we don't know who anyone is on the other stations.
If you want to report on someone
then talk about Beth or the ladies on the show just before
hers.
People know who these people are."

Oh my stop the presses
you WATCH 10? Excuse me but
who does NOT watch 10? Naturally
at noon we all go over to
8 for our cooking class but
in the afternoons (right after Andy
goes off) we zoom back to 10.
Doesn't everyone?
MF

OMG DON IS BACK ON WHAT?

2007-11-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

Don Imus is hanging his familiar cowboy hat in a new television home: RFD-TV.

Well shut my mouth and call me southern
I am so excited I could come
down with the vapors and
take to the bed for a full week!

The thought of Mr. Don coming back
on the air after all the boy has
had to endure from “those people”
is amazing in itself BUT to hear
he will be on my favorite cable/satellite channel
(RFD-TV) makes my poodles swoon!

Unlike his old MSNBC this channel
has viewers AND, hang on children…….
it also has those great old country music shows
we grew up with!
We are talking Teddy and Doyle (WILBURN BROTHERS)
Porter and Dolly,
Ralph and POP GOES THE COUNTRY,
and get this some of the finest POLKA SHOWS on TV!

If you think I am pulling your cane check out their line up.
Toss the I Man into the mix and
you have something that will grow faster than Barry Bond’s biceps in the off season!

The real fun thing to watch will be how Don juggles his New York City humor (at times I have to cover my tender ears) for the wonderful planters and ranchers who have made RFD-TV part of their family. I can just see Grand Pa out there in the wheat field driving that big old tractor the first time the I Man refers to the nappy head on a young lamb! Get my drift? This adventure for Donny could be more than barefoot walk down a fresh plowed corn field. I would love your thoughts and as always the sweet tea is fresh and the big porch swing is open for you to visit!

Ms Farkwad

AT LAST A VOICE IN THE WILDERNESS!

2007-11-18T06:59:00.000-08:00

First let me thank staff and management
for the opportunity
to both answer your comments
and expound on my vast wisdom
of both the fascinating world
of media and life in general.

These coming pages will be your guide post to
watching, listening and yes even reading
what is today laughingly called news and opinions.
Oh if ONLY someone like me had been out there in MY formative years.
I shudder to think what I might have become with their guiding
hand pointing the way!

In the beginning I shall pull comments from the Media Report (our flag
ship company) and comment on them here. Naturally any direct comments
on my blog will be both answered and pressed in the
Farkwad family bible.

That said, feel free to pass this link on to any and all
who are lost on the sea of bovine feces that we so lovingly call
THE MEDIA. At last your life line to the truth has arrived!!!

GREAT THANKSGIVING
DINNER
TIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food.
"Who made the potato salad? Is egg in there? Are them collards fresh?
Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and
cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it?
Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out
all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to
be independent.
Nibble on the pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone
makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort them
to the basement and bring their food down to them.
They are not going to tear my house up again this year.
Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle
Ron to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas.
If they come upstairs for any reason except for that or they are bleeding
to death, I will break a foot off in their butts!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner!
JUST ONE!
We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave
birth to a healthy baby, your nephew just got out of jail, how much nicer
your home is than ours, or how much money you made for the year.
Save that talk for somebody who gives a flip. The time limit for the
prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is
up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be
swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds!
If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!!
Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware
knowing full well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you
didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period
or it will be a misunderstanding.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!!
Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you.
EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING
AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER!
There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that
is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside
until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on
you!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!!

There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
butt home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 9:00 pm.
You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!

You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will
be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Ruby and her greedy
family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD
are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!